When I was young, I had so many toys,
teddies,soft bunnies, rubber balls, light blue,
they were not so tough like footballs and boys,
I loved my toys, all of them, it's too true.
Now that I am 10, I've given away,
some not-so tough toys to my mum,
She'll be good with the toys i gave today,
(Playing Sonic The Hedgehog is quite fun!)
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3 comments:
nice poem dboggs99
Hey dboggs99 - nice poem as always. There are some good lines in here - particularly "they were not so tough like footballs and boys" which gives a succint sense of growing up and becoming aware of new things. I also thought it was clever how you anchored your own sense of change in the change of your toys - though in a way an obvious change you handled it well.
However I do have one or two qualms with your poem. I'm guessing "light blue" was just a typo in line 2 as it's not a type of toy - I'm sure you can think of something else. Also in line 4 think of another way of saying "it's too true" as this gives a negative, slightly embarassed air - unless that's what you were going for in which case well done but I don't think you were.
It's cleverly done how you've made your mum seem like a child in you giving her the toys in the second stanza. That didn't hit me at first so I'm very impressed with that.
Other than working out whether not so tough needs hyphens or not, I'd also consider looking at your rhyming scheme as the lines in stanza 2 don't quite scan properly.
It's encouraging work though
lovely and sweet poem dboggs99
good luck in future
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