I woke with a start as the car slammed shut.The engine started and the car whizzed away and turn't every corner with ease. I turn't away from my window and went to see my mum. I peered through the hole in her door but she wasn't there. I ran down stairs to find her crying whilst standing at the door with her coat ripped and her bag missing.
"Get ready for school!" she shouted.
"But..."I began
" No buts, Just get ready ready for SCHOOL!" she yelled.I ran up the stairs and obviously did what I was told. After putting my shoes I asked, " Mum , will you walk me to school?"
" No walk on your own," she said angrily as she sat on the sofa.
On the way to school I saw the three school bullies, who were 18 and could drive,Tom, Leah & Spike! As you probably guessed Spike is the worst. Well they were looking in a bag and it was MY MUM'S! Then I knew why my mum was so sad.The worst thing is they had her phone. I know I should have done some thing but I like my face how it is.
After school I was at the park and i got a message on my phone saying 'YOUR GO'NA HAVE A BLACK EYE!' I spike consequently I ran home as fast as lightning and locked the front door.I watced some T.V. Then ate dinner and tried to get to sleep.
The next day I told the head master Mr.Patterson. He called the boys to his office and made them say sorry and prommise not to do like that again.But something told me they were going to come for me eventually anyway.
1 comment:
Hi cheekymonkey. This is a very good story. I like the way you set up the beginning with a bit of mystery (the reader wonders why the mum is upset). Then we find out why she is upset (the middle). And then the problem is solved by the character seeing the headmaster (the end). So well done on the STRUCTURE of your story.
One thing you can look out for in the future is keeping the same TENSE in the story. Stories are usually written in the 'PAST TENSE' (he did this, she walked there), or the 'PRESENT TENSE' (he does this, she walks there). Sometimes, you use both kinds of tense. For example 'Spike IS the worst' is present tense, and most of the rest of the story is in the past tense.
Also, look out for typos. 'Turn't' should be 'turned'. And this doesn't make sense: 'I spike consequently I ran home'.
Other than that, you've written a great story. I especially loved the touch of light humour with the line 'but I like my face how it is'!
Great stuff! Well done!
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