I woke up with a start as the car door slammed shut.
I knew that mum had come back from her night job but wasn't in a good mood. I wondered what happened to mum. Did she have a fight with that lady? or did she get fired? Who knew?. Anyway i went downstairs to open the door for her before she broke it open. And boy she didn't seem happy. Her face was bright red and steam was coming out her ear. "OK mum whats wrong, somethings wrong" I asked. "NOTHINGS WRONG OK!" yelled mum. Although she said nothing was wrong i knew something was wrong. So I let the day go past because I thought that she would have calm down. Did she? Oh no, I was so wrong. She was still fuming hot. But I didn't mind i had to go school so I got ready and I set off. I had a terrible day. The boys were bugging me and calling me a cry baby because I fell over and a tear rolled down my cheek. Also Jessica and Conny broke up with me just because I didn't tell them my secret, how stupid is that. So I just ignored them, but it did hurt because they were my friends and I had no one to play with. There was a surprise when I got home. What was it? That's right, mum was actually happy. She was spinning and twirling. I didn't even want to know why she was so happy. So I ran upstairs still upset and lay down on my bed. I closed my eyes for a while and before I knew it I was in a deep sleep but then when I woke up I jumped with a squeal. Mum was all dressed up and told me to come down stairs. When I entered the living room it was full of mums friends and banners on the wall that read congratulations. "Why are you having a party" I asked. "Because I'm the boss of the work place now" she replied screaming and dancing. I was pleased for her but still so upset that I couldn't enjoy myself.That night I went sleep late and woke up late. So that day I was late for school. But I didn't mind. During school when I was walking alone in the play ground I nice group with a mix of boys and girls asked me if I wanted to hang out with them and I and said yes. I had a great time with them. After school I did a little trick on them and they started laughing and chasing me. I finally lost them at my door step. But something told me that they will come for me eventually anyway.
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5 comments:
Hi writinglover98, and happy new year!
Very nice little story. I liked that you balanced the bad things that happened to the character with good things, too. This gave your story a very good THEME of HOPE. Which I really liked.
I also thought that it was very good that you begin with the mother having a problem (not enjoying her job), and you also RESOLVE this problem in the story (she becomes the boss). This is very good. It is very important for a story to have a PROBLEM and also a RESOLUTION (the problem gets fixed). So well done.
I would suggest, though, that next time you write a story, try to break it up into PARAGRAPHS. Paragraphs make it easier to read. It makes the story clearer, as we can see breaks in time/events. For example, you could have started a new paragraph when you say 'I had a terrible day' because this signals that there is a change in time between leaving for school in the morning, and the time after school.
In all, a great effort. Well done!
Thanks so much for the loveley comment sophie im sure it will help me next time.
Thanks so much for the loveley comment sophie im sure it will help me next time.
Thanks so much for the loveley comment sophie im sure it will help me next time.
You're very welcome, writinglover98. Always a pleasure to read your work :)
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