The planet is vast
living in a natural world
fun is everywhere.
summer is pretty
splashing in the cold water
playing games with freinds.
growing up everyday
getting taller than the trees
you can reach the stars.
war is dangerous
bombs blasting in the cold night
people scared to death.
familys are caring
they help you in times of need
and can never be bad.
school is fantastic
it brings joy and happiness
wherever you go.
fear dark and scary
it is scary as the night
and never goes away.
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July
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- When i was young...
- When I was young I was very silly,People would say...
- When I was Young..
- When I was young...
- Haikus
- When I Was Young
- Task 4: My example
- Task 4: Now and then - a HOLIDAY task
- Haikus
- Haikus
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- Haikus
- Haiku poems.
- haikus
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- my haikus
- the reader of this poem
- Haikus
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- Task 3: A Haiku a day...
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July
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4 comments:
Aisha- well done on your haikus.
My favourite is definately 'growing up'I love the image of trees reaching for the stars. Quite literally growing UP towards the sky, very clever.
Do be careful with the syllables, for example Line 2 in Planet has 8 syllables. Be sure to read your poems outloud slowly to avoid mistakes.
Also, watch out for spelling, such as 'friends' and 'families'.
I felt you really captured the moments well, but you maybe could have taken some more time to think up some more interesting words to use, or possibly use some longer words.
The last one about fear I like a lot, definately captures the moment, and makes the reader feel on edge- but maybe use a different word for scary in the second line, as you already used it in the first.
Also, remember the task suggested changing the tone of the haiku in the second line.
You've got some real potential in these lines, and a good grasp of what haiku means, I hope you enjoyed writing them!
thanks andi and im sorry for my mistakes.i will try harder in future.thanks for the comments
Well done Aisha. I really enjoyed reading your haikus.
I agree with Andi when he says that you need to watch out for spelling and syllables-proof reading a couple should do the trick.
I really liked the line "it is scary as the night" as this shows that you're using the skills you have learnt in a previous task.
Keep up the good work.
Aisha,
I really like your poems and the way you used each topic to start you off. You were direct and said exactally what you ment in your poems.
One of my favourite lines was the one in war when you said: 'Bombs blasting' i really liked this alliteration in perticular because it is follwed by 'in the cold night' which is quite a calm phrase in comparison to the one before it.
However you should be careful with the syllabels and spelling. Maybe you could get someone to read your poems out loud for you before you post them.
In general i really enjoyed reading your work and look forward to your next task.
JesusChild :)
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