Our planet:
Our planet is so cool.
What amazing nature is has.
Why can't I see more.
Growing up:
Am I really growing up.
It doesn't feel like I am.
What has just happened.
War:
What does war really mean.
All it does is cause's pain.
We dont need anymore.
Summer:
I love the summer.
It is amazingly hot.
Please do come back soon.
Family:
Do you know how familys are.
Some are just to annoying.
But some are perfect.
School:
Some kid's think school cool.
But i think school is SO lame.
That is just school.
Fear:
I have loads of fears.
Some of them are really stupid.
But really some are not.
Number of Visits
Authors
Useful Websites
Blog Archive
-
▼
2009
(89)
-
▼
July
(21)
- When i was young...
- When I was young I was very silly,People would say...
- When I was Young..
- When I was young...
- Haikus
- When I Was Young
- Task 4: My example
- Task 4: Now and then - a HOLIDAY task
- Haikus
- Haikus
- Haikus
- Haikus
- Haiku poems.
- haikus
- Haiku
- my haikus
- the reader of this poem
- Haikus
- Haikus
- The reader of this poem
- Task 3: A Haiku a day...
-
▼
July
(21)
3 comments:
hello writing lover.i love your poem it is soooo cool.you have been writing such wonderful poems so far.what are you gonna do next?cant wait byeeeeee
Hi writinglover98. You have some great haikus here.
However, you haven't quite managed to always get the SYLLABLE count right. Here is one of the poems in which you got it PERFECT:
I love the sum-mer. (5)
It is a-maz-ing-ly hot. (7)
Please do come back soon. (5)
That's perfect. However, in many of your poems you have too many syllables. For example:
What does war real-ly mean. (6 - incorrect)
All it does is cause's pain. (7 - correct)
We dont need anymore. (6 - incorrect)
HOWEVER, many people believe that haikus are not all about the syllable count. Traditionally they subscribe to a 5-7-5 structure, but many people believe that the IMAGES they convey are much more important.
I loved the way all of your haikus are very thoughful. 'Our planet' feels curious. 'Growing up' has a sense of humour to it, as does 'Summer'. 'School', 'Family' and 'Fear' have a sense of balance too them. In other words, you have manage to create extra layers to your words. Good job!
However, in future, please make sure to proofread your work as there are a few spelling and grammar mistakes. Remember that if you ask a question, you need to end it with a question mark, even if it is part of a poem! (e.g. 'Am I really growing up?', 'Do you know how families are?')
Haikus are very small poems, and often they focus on an image, rather than a description of feeling or opinion. For example, instead of saying you have loads of fears, you could perhaps focus on ONE fear, using IMAGERY. Here's my example:
Big hairy spider:
He runs across my ceiling.
I run out the door!
These are just a few points to think about for the future. The haikus you have written here are very entertaining! Well done.
Writinglover98,
I really like the way you choose too look at each topic differently.
My favourite is Summer. You where able to keep to the rules of a haiku but also made an intersting poem because summer isn't over yet but you've already asked it to come back soon, so i take it you were refering to the weather :)
However sometimes you missed the pattern of a haiku for example:
in our planet you used too many. Also you had a few spelling mistakes through out different poems. Im saying this because i believe you are very acapable and could easily work a little to improve your work.
In general i really like the ideas you raised in your haikus and look forward to your next piece of work.
JesusChild :)
Post a Comment