The reader of this poem is as snobby as a millionare,
As soft as a bunny,
As friendly as Pooh Bear,
And as sweet as a pot of honey.
As helpful as a guide,
As small as an olive,
As graceful as a swans delicate glide,
As stuck as a malteser in a sieve.
As light as a feather,
As hard as stones,
As dull as the rainy weather,
As skinny as bones.
The reader of this poem looks like they love KFC,
As they move their shadow looks like a tree,
They have many changing faces,
I'm sure you will agree.
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2 comments:
Hi PRETTYFACE,
Its great to see that you have chosen to do a redraft of your work off your own steam. You have made real improvements to this poem, well done!
Its brilliant that your poem now has a regular rhyme scheme, with lines 1 and 3, 2 and 4 rhyming. I really like the new similes you have come up with such as 'dull as rainy weather' and 'as skinny as bones.'I like your new last two lines as well, they show a clear end to the poem.
There is only one line I would change in this poem- I feel that 'as stuck as a malteaser in a sieve' doesn't really fit in your second verse, as it breaks up the brilliant rhyme scheme you started in the first verse. Maybe rethink this line? Its very original though and one of my favourite similies, so it would be a shame to loose it completely!
Shadi
Hi PRETTYFACE,
I wrote that your line 'as stuck as a malteaser in a sieve' didn't fit in the rhyme scheme, please ignore this comment! I misread your work, 'olive' and 'sieve' do rhyme! Sorry to confuse you,
Shadi
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