Wednesday, 22 July 2009

When I Was Young

When i was young i

stayed at my grans.

She had delicous chips,

Made in a lovely pan.

She also had fantabulous dips.



Now i am ten,

i still stay at my grans.

She has a new hen

and his name is Hans.



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1 comment:

Avani said...

I don’t have much to say about this poem other than it is fresh and made me laugh – perfect for a holiday task as it’s not too serious. Just be careful of using colloquial words like ‘fantabulous’ in school work, because it will cause you to drop marks. Also watch out of that blasted rhyme trap – it seems to be your worst enemy, no? Can you come up with anymore rhymes? Finally ‘grans’ is a possessive and so needs an apostrophe – ‘gran’s’.

Overall a pleasant, funny read. You've done a good job of conveying memories. Well Done.

25 October 2009 at 13:26

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