It was a scorching day and Thomas was sitting lonesomely in his room.I now bet your thinking why is he indoors well its because he is grounded. There was a knock on the door and it was his best Friend Luna. She'd brought her favourite dinosaur so the headed for his room.
As soon as they got up stairs Thomas got out his favourite dinosaur and they began to play. "Thomas come and do your homework and send Luna home!" shouted Thomas's mum Lucy. So they said good bye and Luna left.
The next day Thomas was on his way to the park when he saw Luna. Quickly, he ran to see her and strolled down the road. On the way down the road Luna realized a new shop that had just opened so, they dashed across the empty road and walked in.There wasn't much but on their way out Thomas noticed a dazzling, glittery box out of the corner of his eye. As he walked over his phone rang it was his mum asking him to come home. Like anyone who didn't want to get a slap he happily walked home.
When he got home Lucy was sitting miserably at the kitchen table that was shimmering in the sunlight . Concernedly Tomas walked up to his mum and asked her what was wrong.
"Thomas do you remember your great nan?"she replied.
"Yes," said Thomas, "Why ?"
"She died five minutes ago."
Thomas quickly ran to his room and began to cry.
The next morning Thomas went back to the shop and adored the box. Suddenly ... a strange man with a long, black, plated, beard mumbled, "Take the box but don't mistake its power. "
Thomas excitedly picked up the box and took it home. As soon as he got home he ran up to his room without saying hello to his mum. He got out his favourite dinosaur and placed it carefully in the box.
A few days later on a miserable day after school Thomas and Luna went to play with their dinosaurs. But when Thomas looked in his box the lid was open and the dinosaur was gone.They searched all over the house but they could not find it.
All of a sudden the floor began to shake and people began to scream for help.Slowly, they took one step out of the door and they saw Thomas's Dinosaur. But it wasn't a toy any more no way it was real! "what shall we do?" asked Luna
"I don't know," said Thomas " maybe call the army. I don't know!"
Terrified they ran inside the house.
"Where did you get the box?" asked Luna
"The man in that shop gave it to me,"replied Thomas
"Before he gave it to you did he say any thing?"
"Yes he said don't mistake it's power."
Luna had an idea and got the box.Then she asked Thomas to distract the dinosaur. Worriedly Thomas replied " Yes!"
So he ran out side and began to scream.
Bravely, Luna ran up the back of the dinosaur and placed the box on its head. Suddenly he began to shrink. Then Thomas ran to the box and the dinosaur was a toy again. Thomas thanked Luna as they walked down to the shop to return the box.
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3 comments:
Really good story nice beggining and end see you tomorrow
Hey cheekymonkey, I think you described every bit that was possible in detail which was quite impressive.
Unfortunately you did pass the word limit by 200! But no matter it did make sense that you passed the word limit so yeah!
I loved how you used a lot of openers to make it more interesting.
Great idea to use paragraphs as it will make it more efficient to read. Loved the whole story and fantastic work, some words I don't think exist e.g: lonesomely should be lonesome but you'll get the hang of it.
Good work, I look forward into reading your next piece of work.
SmArT FlAmE.
Hello Cheekymonkey.
Your story is very imaginative and has a fairly good flow. You also have made good use of conversation, this helps to keep the prose very interesting.
Sometimes, your writing doesn't seem to make sense due to the lack of punctuations.
You also occassionally change tenses (in places that you shouldn't), for example you have started the story saying that it 'was' a scorching day, but in the very next line you say that he 'is' grounded - in the present tense.
However, I think this is a brilliant peice of work and hope to see more.
Well Done!
Lady_Macbeth
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