Sunday, 21 June 2009

colours

Red is roses
Green is great
Pink is pretty
Blue is bashful
Purple is painful
Yellow is young
Lilac is lucious
Grey is gangster
Silver is sour

This is a colourful world
Its great and bold
One more thing it is also bold.
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1 comment:

Kat said...

WELCOME princesssana,

Firstly I love the way you've written in different colours, It made it really interesting to read.

You've thought of some lovely metaphors, and have shown that you really understand what a metaphor is, however your poem does not follow the structure set out in the task. Choose four colours, maybe your favorite ones, and make the metaphors longer(each taking up two lines), for example,
"Red is the woeful rose,
Gentle against my rough skin"

Next you need to make the first two metaphors rhmye and the second two metaphors rhyme, such as
"Red is the woeful rose,
Gentle against my rough skin,
Purple is the pain I feel,
Somewhere deep within"

Your poem needs to be eight lines in total, so although the last three lines are beautiful and insightful, they are not needed in the structure of the given task.

It's lovely that you've chosen to express your world through colour, but it still needs the title set in the task, "my world".

Looking forward to reading your redraft, part of the second task due on Saturday 27th June at 6pm. Good luck!

Kat

25 June 2009 at 20:22

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