The reader of this poem
Is as soft as a feather
Harder than pebbles
As unpredictable as the weather
As loud as a trombone
Sneaker than a rat
As tall as tree
As viscous as a cat
As round as a ball
As big as a Whale
As red as a stawberry
As long as a tail
The reader of this poem
Is a cute thing
He's a cute baby
And he loves to sing.
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3 comments:
Hi writinglover98
My name is Star and I’ll be one of your moderators this year.
Firstly well done on your task. Great work! I really enjoyed reading your poem.
Secondly, I need you to check your spelling before you publish your task for example:
“Viscous” and “Sneaker” Correct spelling “Vicious” and “Sneakier”
Well done for using a mixture of “er than” similies and “as” similies but try to use “like” similies too.
The last simile on your first stanza was very original. Excellent!
Other than that well done. Do not let my comments discourage you because i think you are very talented!
If you are confused and don’t understand anything please do not hesitate to ask! I can not wait to read your next task!
Keep up the good work!
Writinglover98,
Im JesusChild and I, like Star, am also one of you moderators for the year.
Im going to start by saying well done your work is very thoughtful and it shows that you were aware of what you were saying.
For example I really liked where you spoke about the Rat the Tree and the Cat because it links nicely.
Maybe you could try and keep a theme through out each stanza?
As Star said becareful with you spelling and explore using 'like' similies.
But altogether I really liked your poem and think that you are a really good poet.
Again as Star said let me know if anything I've said is unclear.
JesusChild :)
Hi writinglover98. I'm sorry my post is late but there seemed to have been some sort of technical trouble with the blog and your post didn't show up on my computer.
Anyway, I thought your poem was very good. You have demonstrated a good understanding of what a simile is and how to use one. As your other moderators have mentioned, though, it would have been good to see some 'like' similes in your poem, too. E.g. 'The reader of this poem/ is hyper like a honeybee'.
You've successfully structured your poem using four stanzas of four lines each. All the lines are a similiar length, and you've managed to write your poem using the correct rhyme scheme. So well done on that.
You've written some very nice, original similes. My favourites are 'As loud as a trombone' and 'As long as a tail'. However, some of your similes are clichés - this means other people have used the same thing many times before, so it is not as original. 'As tall as a tree' and 'as soft as a feather' are some of the clichéd similes. It is hard, sometimes, to know whether something is clichéd, but the more you read and as your experiences grow, the easier it will become to recognise them.
As JesusChild suggested, it might be good if you could think more about a theme. Think about what the character of 'the reader' could really be like. How can he be hard (as pebbles) and soft (as feathers) at the same time? How is he as long as a tail? How can he be both vicious and cute? Try to create a consistent image of the person in the poem. Again, this is something more advanced that I am pushing you towards.
I like your simile 'As long as a tail'. Sometimes, you can think about an image a bit more, and see if you can do anything else with it. For example, what if the simile was 'as long as a TALE'? That gives a different spin on things. Or what about 'as TALL as a TALE'? That could imply that the 'reader' character is perhaps a bit of a cheeky liar, or an imaginative story-teller. Your original image is good, but I'm just demonstrating that sometimes the smallest changes to words or phrases can produce bigger effects on the whole poem.
On the whole I think you have been very successful with this task, so well done!
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