It is an amazing labyrinth of words
Every day I’m on just because it is Aladdin’s adventure
I always feel like I’m flying with the birds
I venture through word voodoo because every task rocks so I really do venture
If animals could talk they would really love it
Never is word voodoo blocked
That’s why I love it
So it really rocks
So I’m happy I’ve got it
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2 comments:
Hi Bearcub!
Well done for this poem; your enthusiasm for Wordvoodoo really shines through it, which was clearly your aim. Getting your own message/meaning across in a poem is one of the most important aspects.
You have grasped the concept of the metaphor well in your first two lines, and carry across the theme of adventure throughout the whole poem, which works well as you focus on different aspects of adventure, from a labyrinth, to the story of Aladdin and flying, even to talking animals!
You’ve kept the rhyme scheme going all the way through, which can be a hard thing to do. Be careful, though, that you don’t repeat yourself for the sake of a rhyme, for example in your fourth line you use the word “venture” twice. Could you think of a different word to use for the first one, such as “delve” or “explore”? I’m sure you can think of something.
I like your half-rhyme with “blocked” and “rocks,” it’s good to remember that words don’t always have to rhyme exactly, and sometimes great effects can come from words clashing slightly. Again, be careful or repetition, as you use “rocks” a couple of times too. The word “really” is used quite a few times as well; you could come up with a different word for it or even get rid of it, as in line four it’s not really necessary. Instead the line could read, “so I venture,” rather than “so I really do venture”.
In line three you have used a simile, “I always feel like I’m flying with the birds”. It’s the “like” that makes it a simile rather than a metaphor. To turn this into a metaphor you could write, “I’m flying with the birds,” as it is the saying that you actually are doing something that makes it a metaphor, and a simile is saying it is like you are doing something.
There are not many metaphors in the last part of the poem; could you come up with some more, perhaps on the same theme of adventure?
I really like this poem, as it highlights how exciting writing can be and brings out the elements of adventure and how writing sets free the imagination.
I can't really aim to compete with Katie's fantastic comments - and I agree that your sense of fun and enthusiasm burst out of this poem at every line. Well done on such an energetic start to wordvoodoo!
However, I would like to add that I think it is SO important on wordvoodoo to try your ABSOLUTE best to follow the rules I set for each task. For this task, they were to: a) choose from one of the five titles/topics I gave you; b) write 8 lines (of similar length); c) rhyme the 2nd and 4th, and the 6th and 8th; and, most importantly (but also most difficultly) d) produce four, separate (2-line) metaphors. This last rule is the one which seems to have caused you the most difficulty.
Did you manage to have a go at the worksheets I directed you to, or look at any of the websites I suggested? You would also do well to look at some of this week's other attempts by other pupils and see which of those managed to create those metaphors. How did they do so? Can they teach you anything about how to do so yourself?
In future, if you do get stuck with a particular part of the task, there is no harm at all in asking me (or one of your teachers) for a little bit of help. They are not allowed to write any of it for you; but if there is something about the task which you don't understand (like how to make a metaphor) it is find for them to help you out with that.
Well done on your first task - and I can't wait to seeing how you will use your energy and enthusiasm with Task 2!
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