The reader of this poem
is smart as can be,
As bossy as a teacher,
as tall as a tree.
As quiet as a mouse,
as noisy as a train,
As delicate as a baby,
as amazing as the rain.
As dainty as a dancer,
as funny as a clown,
As pretty as a ruby,
as gorgeous as a gown.
The reader of this poem
may be small or big,
Could be quiet or loud,
but as sweet as a fig!
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5 comments:
I love the way you are using the words and the metaphours and when I read thiS,I wanted to read 10 more time because it was interestingI will be interessted to read your 2nd task GOOD LUCK!
Aisha...
Wow! This is truly excellent. You've stuck to the 'rules' of four stanzas, lines 2 and 4 rhyme,and it's beautifully done.
Your use of certain lines next to each other really build up the images. Putting 'as bossy as a teacher' next to 'as tall as a tree' really made me think of this huge teacher towering over me. Very clever.
I also liked your use of alliteration with 'dainty as a dancer' and 'gorgeous as a gown'. It really made them stand out.
My favourite part is the end. You would naturally expect someone to write 'big or small' in the last stanza, because it's easy to rhyme. But but switching those words you got my attention, and then compared the reader to the sweetness of a fig, a very unusual and brilliant image!
Absolutely well done, this was excellent!
Hi Aisha I'm shiningstar and I'm your moderator.
I really enjoyed reading your poem.I agree with Andi's comments regarding your similes and I also liked the line 'as sweet as a fig'. Well done.
In order to improve your already great writing I would advise you to take care and avoid clichés such as, for example 'as funny as a clown' since I know you are more than capable of making your writing very original and you don't need to use phrases that a lot of people use.
I am very impressed at how you completed this task and can't wait to read your future tasks.
thank you i really appreciate this i hope i can continue this work further on.
Hi Aisha,
Im JesusChild and like Shiningstar I will also be one of your moderators for the following year.
I really liked you poem and thought the comtrasts you used were great. I also like your alliterations 'gorgeous as a gown'.
However to improve your work I would say you should try and think around the obvious as Shiningstar said.For example insted of saying 'As funny as a clown' you could say something like 'As clumsy as a clown'.
Other tahn that I thought your work was really good, be sure to let me know if anything I've said is unclear.
JesusChild :)
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