Earth is a weird place
The moon changes its phase
You change your coming of age
It all happens stage-by-stage
Life is weird
It is like a party
Craziness surrounds us
But earth is also funky
Your friends and family might not agree
But my agreement is up to me
Outside of earth is different
The planets have not got people
but maybe aliens
The moon changes its phase
You change your coming of age
It all happens stage-by-stage
Life is weird
It is like a party
Craziness surrounds us
But earth is also funky
Your friends and family might not agree
But my agreement is up to me
Outside of earth is different
The planets have not got people
but maybe aliens
I like earth
the way it is
4 comments:
Firstly, well done on being the first person to post your attempt. Deadlines are one of the hardest things about wordvoodoo, and you rose to that challenge brilliantly! :)
As for the poem itself, I really like many of the phrases and sentiments you have written - and you have also tried hard to rhyme some lines too. Your ending - "I like earth the way it is" - is a lovely idea, just as "life...is like a party" is an interesting simile too.
However, you don't seem to have grasped what a metaphor is, because there aren't any at all in your poem. Did you manage to do the worksheets I directed you to - or visit any of the websites I suggested? Metaphors are certainly much more difficult than similes, but they are SO much more imaginative too.
Also, you don't seem to have followed the rules and structure I gave you for the poem (the same structure that Valerie Bloom used in her poem) - and one of the challenges of wordvoodoo will be following all the different rules I set for each task. Why not read through the task I set again a couple of times, and see where you went in your own, different direction?
It might also be useful to look at some of the other pupils' attempts, many of which could teach you a great deal about how else you could have approached the task. If you are still stuck, you are welcome to email me and ask for some more help. :)
So, in summary, well done on a very creative and enthusiastic attempt - just see if you can follow the instructions a little more closely next time, and work on those metaphors too?
Hi Missi s,
A lovely submission. Your poem has a wonderful shape, and it’s great that the visual aspect of poetry is important to you. How a poem looks determines how we read it, and therefore how we understand what the poet would like to say. I am impressed that you thought about this aspect.
I also like that you balance the big task of writing about the earth, with things that exist on it. It’s great that you begin with: ‘Earth is a weird
place,’ it’s very direct and also nicely comic. I like how you zoom in on life on earth, before zooming out again and talking about aliens. Your poem ends well, ‘I like earth/the way it is.’ Its beautifully
simple but conveys so much to the reader. Perhaps the line ‘Your family and friends might not agree,’is a little more suited to a narrative poem, or a story, but overall this is a great start!
Liz
Thank you for the comments. I will pick up on them and carry on making progress.
well done this was great and i would look forward to read your next task.
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